Losing and noticing, is winning
Have we have got the point in our evolution where people deem thought as a negative thing because they are are so rampant and seemingly incessant for the average person?
For many, thoughts are seen as a problem rather than a tool.
A 2020 study at Queen’s University, Canada estimate the average person has about 6,200 thoughts per day. That’s a lot, especially if you feel the need to jump on every one of them. Or feel you don’t have a choice.
More people engage with meditation nowadays, so more are becoming aware of the mind's incessant chatter—which can seem shocking, at least at first.
In contrast to the silence and spaciousness of awareness, thought can appear as noisy, uninvited, and even violent at times.
Of course, thought is not the enemy, if it is, it would be unconscious thought.
I must speak to at least 3 people per week who state that they are not good at meditation because they can’t stop their thoughts or empty their minds.
I don’t believe you can get meditation wrong; the very act of carving out time to sit with one’s inner experience, to face oneself - in my eyes, is a win.
And vital in the process of transformation.
But if you go into meditation with certain expectations of how it should be, than when the experience doesn’t meet the expectation - it can certainly seem that you get meditation wrong.
So if you think the practice is about laser-sharp focus, having no thoughts and exerting total control….very quickly you’ll be disappointed.
And most give up pretty soon after starting for this reason.
But what if:
The point of meditation isn’t to focus but to notice when you do lose focus?
As you settle in to your posture, whether sitting on the floor or a chair, it’s worth feeling into that space between relaxed & alert, comfortable & purposeful.
And then start to rest the attention on the sensations of your breath (movement, temperature etc.), your body (points of contact) — whatever helps anchor you. Basically, giving the mind something to do.
But eventually and inevitably… the mind drifts off, you get lost in a train of thought, a memory or story. You forget you are meditating.
And here, the real practice begins. In the returning, in the reclaiming of awareness.
Each time you notice what’s here - whether a thought, or memory or sound…is a moment of waking up.
A moment of reclaiming authority - because it’s only when you wake up to where the attention is, can you choose to guide it back to your chosen anchor.
So the the goal isn’t perfect attention, it’s waking up to your experience moment to moment.
Again and again.
It’s impossible to stop the flow of experience - it won’t automatically pause because you decide to meditate for 5mins.
But we can develop our awareness to be with whatever shows up - whether that’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, sounds….to be awake and alive to the different contents of experience.
You can be aware of thought and when you’re aware of thought, you have a choice as to whether or not you want to engage in it. As opposed to rumination, when it can seem like there is a constant stream that we’re drowning in.
Being controlled by thought → Awareness of thought → Choosing thought intentionally.
Each time you notice that the mind has wandered and you bring it back to the point of focus, you are strengthening the muscle of attention - like a gym rep.
Naturally this permeates into all areas of your life and we all could do with a little more attention these days.
It seems as tho there are certain forces that want every second of our attention, and it shows in the difficulty we face in maintaining attention on the things we actually want. It shouldn’t be this hard.
So we’re relaxing into what is—without forcing anything. Perhaps a paradox in a modern society which is more about control and striving.
Letting go of the gripping harder to “stay focused” also dissolves the judgements and criticism that arsies when the mind drifts.
Presence is already here, it can’t go anywhere.
And so meditation is not about doing something to get into the present moment, but noticing what’s already present in this moment.
Meditation has been integral to my life since 2010 and a vital foundation in the process of transformation, set up free a call here if you want to talk about how it can support yours.
Let’s walk together,
Arjun.x
It does not define you
”I am a depressive person, it’s just my nature.”
”I am rubbish at connecting with new people, it’s just how I’ve always been.”
I am X…I am Y….(fill in your own label here).
During an integration call with a client earlier, he said with conviction the first 2 statements.
Language is so powerful, especially the labels that we use to define ourselves.
I do this myself as well, tho I’m becoming more mindful of how I label myself. And sharing the space with clients offers me reflection too, it’s getting clearer to see how these labels limit us from expanding out from these states of being that we’ve reinforced.
These definitive labels we affirm essentially restrict us to a self-imposed container.
Confirmation bias suggests that the brain seeks out the evidence in the externl environment to validate these labels (limits) we place upon ourselves - especially if we're saying them with such conviction.
We are literally creating a barrier keeping us from expanding out from this state of being.
In the moment the client yesterday shared those labels, I asked him to pause and inquire into the possibility of taking a new approach.
Rather than, “I am X - I’ve always been that way” how about:
”I made those decisions based on how I was feeling, I didn't enjoy it, I didn't like the outcome of it and so I'm going to make a decision now based on how I do want to feel.”
It seemed to strike a chord with him.
Immeditately, by removing the definitive label, we break out of this container…allowing for expansion.
As with nature and life, our experience is always shifting, changing and dynamic - as are we.
”I noticed that I responded in a certain way, I didn't like it and so I'm going to choose to respond this new way now and moving forwards”
vs.
”It’s my nature to not connect with people in social situations” or “I’ll never get my ideal job because I don’t perform well under pressure.”
Life is always asking for us to evolve, to shift and to change - constant growth and the moment we label ourselves, we put ourselves into this box.
This is what creates the stagnation at least in the mind, getting stuck in these repetitive patterns and loops.
So it’s vital to begin to notice how we speak about ourselves, how we label ourselves and define ourselves.
You are not defined by your past experiences, you have the potential to create what it is that you want in any given moment: to be how you always have been, or to be how you want now.
And language is very important in the process.
Cultivating awareness is a useful step towards noticing patterns. For me this has been thru meditation, contemplation and journaling - these tools have been integral in getting familiar with myself and inner mechanisms.
For you it may be a different tool, but it’s only once you see the patterns, can you begin to interrupt them.
Then it’s vital to be kind to yourself, like you would to child who’s learning something new.
To let of go of self-judgment and self-criticism and employ compassion and curiosity - because it’s always and only ever:
You vs. You.
Peace,
Arjun.x
Out from the Heart
Over the years I’ve come to deeply realise that our words are not simply words, they are evidence.
Each sentence is an outward confession of the inner condition.
Not for long can your inward condition be hidden by your outward expression.
What flows from the mouth, must be an overflow from the heart.
So when you speak, you're not merely expressing ideas. You're revealing the cultivated state of your inner world.
This was so damming for me to realise - for my speech was mostly filled with bitterness, complaint and blame—it's not the world you're indicting, but your own heart.
My words were a reflex of a wounded ego, and a downloaded personality - which was not entirely or intentionally my own, but something formed over time and then reinforced.
But the acknowledgement of this, as painful as it was, was empowering - it means I have control and authority of my speech, it just requires me to face my inner world and get to work.
The heart in ancient texts always refers to the center of your being - not the intellect, not the things you learn from books - but your heart, always always….your thoughts, your desires, your emotions…these things of the inner life that dominate our day to day, the things we harbour in the heart.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" — Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
This may be one of the most foundational verses in the Bible when it comes to inner work and transformation.
“Above all else” – Guarding your heart is priority number one.
“Guard your heart” – This means to watch over, to protect, to be intentional & mindful with what enters and what stays here
“For everything you do flows from it” – Your actions, your words, your habits, your relationships—they all originate from the state of your heart.
James Allen - As a Man Thinketh - one of the most powerful books in my process of transformation (free on YouTube) says that what you repeatedly think and dwell on becomes your character, your habits, and eventually your destiny.
Allen writes:
"A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth."
— James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
Your mind—your inner world—is always producing something. We can’t get away from it - If you plant thoughts of resentment, insecurity, or judgment, that’s what will eventually bloom in your words and actions.
If you plant thoughts of strength, truth, and compassion, your speech will reflect that clarity and power.
No man escapes this law.
You cannot speak of peace if your heart is at war.
You cannot speak with conviction if your mind is clouded by doubt.
You cannot speak truth if you've spent your life avoiding it.
Notice those people around you that speak with power, grace, clarity or authority - it’s not by chance, but by actively cultivating the garden of the inner life.
They’ve uprooted the weeds, resentment, insecurity, or judgment, shame. and planted seeds for the flowers of noble thoughts to grow.
Regardless of what you may have planted in the past, you have the power to plant new seeds, to then nurture the environment with mindfulness and awareness, with consistency and commitment - these seeds have no choice but to eventually bloom.
Arjun.x
It’s been here all along
I really enjoy the Sunday 8am group meditations I facilitate for Mindbloom clients - this time of day, on this day of the week has a certain feel to it…and there is a little less resistance to drop into meditaiton.
I’m noticing this more relaxed balancing of being in my practice, with awareness of the group - it’s an interesting dynamic because too much in my meditation and I lose the group. Too much focus on the group and my guidance loses it’s depth.
And I’ve noticed this permeate into my interactions & conversations in daily life.
I shared this quote with the group with a few reflections, which I’m sharing here with you, it may be something to chew on for you.
While meditating we are simply seeing what the mind has been doing all along. – Allan Lokos
The first time I really sat still to meditate — no distractions, no music — it was to get rid of negative thoughts, self-judgement, self-criticism.
These thoughts were warranted as I was beginning to wake up to who I was and how I’d lived my life, and I hated what I saw. So the meditation was employed as a tool to get rid of these things, so I could be at peace.
The irony is that, it was the exact opposite, instead of the zen and emptiness ‘I was promised’ - I was faced with it all, at a cranked up volume. I began to see and hear just how much noise was running in the background.
Old stories. Loops. Regrets. Violent mental fights that never happened out loud (but looking back I’m sure impacted my energy field and how I was felt by to others).
It was humbling.
And that’s the point.
Meditation won’t fix you - I think this assumption is strong in modern wellbeing. But it will reveal you - and this is why & how the practice has been used for thousands of years in all cultures.
To know thyself.
For most of my life, perhaps you can relate, I’d be reacting to a story I didn’t even write — one that I hadn’t ever questioned in years.
This is why meditation, at least at the beginning is challenging. It brings to light the automatic patterns: the anxiety, the overthinking, the urge to prove, impress, the mistakes, the guilt (fill in your own thing here).
I’ve spoken to many people who say ‘meditation is not for me because my mind is so busy, I prefer to X’
Almost as if meditaiton is the issue, when in reality, it is showing what the mind has been doing all along.
And once you see it - the stories, the loops - over and over again, you can choose something different. And this is why meditation, or simply sitting with yourself and observing, is so powerful in the process of transformation.
Whether you have a meditation practice or not, here’s an invitation:
Sit still with yourself today. No music. No phone. Your breath and your awareness. For 3-5 minutes.
Then ask: what has my mind been doing all along?
You don’t need an answer here, just to notice. No judgement, no criticism - objective noticing.
Arjun.x