It does not define you

”I am a depressive person, it’s just my nature.”


”I am rubbish at connecting with new people, it’s just how I’ve always been.”


I am X…I am Y….(fill in your own label here).


During an integration call with a client earlier, he said with conviction the first 2 statements.


Language is so powerful, especially the labels that we use to define ourselves.


I do this myself as well, tho I’m becoming more mindful of how I label myself. And sharing the space with clients offers me reflection too, it’s getting clearer to see how these labels limit us from expanding out from these states of being that we’ve reinforced.

These definitive labels we affirm essentially restrict us to a self-imposed container.


Confirmation bias suggests that the brain seeks out the evidence in the externl environment to validate these labels (limits) we place upon ourselves - especially if we're saying them with such conviction.


We are literally creating a barrier keeping us from expanding out from this state of being.


In the moment the client yesterday shared those labels, I asked him to pause and inquire into the possibility of taking a new approach.


Rather than, “I am X - I’ve always been that way” how about:

”I made those decisions based on how I was feeling, I didn't enjoy it, I didn't like the outcome of it and so I'm going to make a decision now based on how I do want to feel.”


It seemed to strike a chord with him.


Immeditately, by removing the definitive label, we break out of this container…allowing for expansion.


As with nature and life, our experience is always shifting, changing and dynamic - as are we.


”I noticed that I responded in a certain way, I didn't like it and so I'm going to choose to respond this new way now and moving forwards”

vs.

”It’s my nature to not connect with people in social situations” or “I’ll never get my ideal job because I don’t perform well under pressure.”


Life is always asking for us to evolve, to shift and to change - constant growth and the moment we label ourselves, we put ourselves into this box.


This is what creates the stagnation at least in the mind, getting stuck in these repetitive patterns and loops.


So it’s vital to begin to notice how we speak about ourselves, how we label ourselves and define ourselves.


You are not defined by your past experiences, you have the potential to create what it is that you want in any given moment: to be how you always have been, or to be how you want now.


And language is very important in the process.


Cultivating awareness is a useful step towards noticing patterns. For me this has been thru meditation, contemplation and journaling - these tools have been integral in getting familiar with myself and inner mechanisms.


For you it may be a different tool, but it’s only once you see the patterns, can you begin to interrupt them.


Then it’s vital to be kind to yourself, like you would to child who’s learning something new.


To let of go of self-judgment and self-criticism and employ compassion and curiosity - because it’s always and only ever:


You vs. You.


Peace,
Arjun.x