The Ego Takes it Personally

I’ve long been very self-absorbed, it was my nature - all about me, me, me. Everyone and everything else after.


When reflecting on recent shifts, it’s evident that this attachment to myself - my personality, my feelings, my reputation, my needs, my self-worth - was a trap, and often perpetuated so much of my suffering.


And still does to a certain extent.


When holding onto this ‘sense of self’ so strongly, there is a need to defend them, anything anybody did I saw as a direct attack on me.


I can see that always taking things so personally kept me reactive, insecure and isolated from me everyone else. This is exactly what the ego thrives on - identity, the separation - this sense of significance, always needing validation and approval.


This ego aspect of us, when challenged or is criticised or ignored - feels it is being threatened and so needs to defend itself.


I know for me this led to overreacting, emotional reactivity - either lashing out or saying something regretful. And then holding onto resentment about the other person blaming them for making me feel this way.


Firstly, as a man - this is not cool, it’s the quickest way to lose respect. Secondly, it is reinforcing the illusion that we are all seperate - me vs everybody else.


This inner work - facing myself - is seeing that I am operating from my wounds, my childhood conditioning…my inner turmoil.


That I only see the world from this lens, through my personal experiences - I began to soften to the idea that we’re all doing the same.


We’re all carrying this heavy burden, this baggage of our past experiences, some are heavier than others…but so long as we’re carrying these heavy loads, we’re always looking for opportunities to unload them - normally on anybody one who has triggered some part of us that needs healing.


Take this approach towards yourself first, and then externally towards the other.


Observe > Instead of reacting
Question > Instead of assuming
Understand > Instead of blaming



Stepping out of this narrow ego hold, is to see that everybody is projecting themselves from what they are holding onto inside - knowingly or unknowingly.


It need not be a reflection on me - this is a liberating but dilligent practice. The ego is subtle and sneaky, it will flare up at the slightest opportunity.

I’m still very consumed with myself - it’s a work in progress. But actively working on not taking things so personally slowly dissolves the me vs. them mentality - guarded, defensive and on alert - narrow….


This brings down the walls of separation and in doing so connects me to others knowing we’re all walking the same path, all needing the lightness that comes with letting go, all needing the love to overcome our inner challenges.


We’re wired to detect threat and danger - but not everyone out there is an enemy.


Each is a fellow traveller on the journey…so the fight is not out there, it’s within.